Saturday, August 30, 2008
Listening to: {Pictures of You - The Last Goodnight}
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Listening to: {Banquet - Bloc Party}
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Listening to: {Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles}
Friday, August 15, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Listening to: {Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright}
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I am thinking as I am watching images flash across the screen when i am secretly looking at your pictures online, giggling over msn about things only being 16 would allow you to giggle over. I am thinking of the pretty little things i see in every image of the sparkly things in your eye, i know i must be crazy but i am
distracting myself with your presence, because this is the only way I can possibly forget the things in my life that i need to do, that i have to do or should, the wounds that refuse to heal because i keep picking at the scabs, the people i should be talking to but won't because i'm too scared and
we've drifted so far apart now and there's no turning back.
you could say you are my red herring, my victorious battle in the war i am losing. Maybe nothing of this i am feeling is real- i think it's amazing how i can turn my feelings on and off
like a switch. I want to switch you off and actually, i can; but i don't want to have nothing to look forward to, and you are just
an easy target. a bullet hole on the wall of a war torn city, i realise how much i can obsess over something so fickle. Maybe i just do not want to face the harsh reality of knowing nothing is really going on in my life and maybe being 16 and giggling over boys is exactly what it takes to run away from being 16.
2 and a half more months before i turn 17, and there will be so much that has to be done by then. I will have to bother to study for promos, attempt to pass A level chinese and get that damn A at A level PW; I will also try my very very hardest to
stay sane and maybe when the sky falls down it will rise up to morning and make the world brand new. I can stop, i know, but theres nothing like texting friends all day making up chessy lines about all that jazz pretending that all there is to it is to love and wish upon all the twinkles your eyes that love is not a one way street.It's the weakness that I love this bleakness
Over any constant happinessGoodness knows I saw it comming. 8:08 PM
There is a drug that cures it all
Blocked by the governmental wall
We are the scientists inside the lab,
Just waiting for the call
35days to go. I really need to start studying, because at this rate I'm seriously going to get retained- let alone the H3 Lit i'm trying to get. Still, Sam and I are going for Boys Like Girls tomorrow at Nike Human+! I don't really fancy BLG all that much, but Sam and I are now mugger partners for a very very wrong reason, so we'll treat ourselves to some teeny bopper music after mugging in the morning :D
There's lit class on Tuesday, ugh. But Samantha Lim Pei Yi will stop waiting for a certain someone to reply her on msn and go eyebrow threading with me, yes she will.
I think I'm going to drag myself down to meet HX and Tim to study later. Ugh, i need someone to sit me down and force me to study.
Confess to me, every secret moment
Every stolen promise you believed
Confess to me, all that lies between us
All that lies between you and me
I love having unlimited credit on a phone, though it'll only last till 21sept. I can take my time and write longwinded 3paged smses in reply to squashed up 160character smses. I can send messages to the whole class at a shot and not obsessively look at the sms counter to see if i'm over quota; i can pick up my phone and dial your number and we will talk like we used to and use up the $260 credit still remaining
-but I know I just can't.
There's got to be something more. Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to beGoodness knows I saw it comming. 5:26 PM
Love can ignite the stars
Today was a great day wasn't it Sammy? :D Yesyes, GP lectures foreverrrrr.
Plus I had 13.5hours of sleep the night before and still managed to ace econs test! HALF DAY TOMORROW, rushing down to PRSS before rushing back to school to meet with our corporate sponsor(!) for PW, then rushing to meet Fiona at Comex to check out the red MSI Wind.
MSI Wind 6cell battery version come out soon pleaseeeeeee.
I really really can't stop smiling at the comp now omg Sam it's all your fault ahhhhhhhh :] And yes, I am quoting from revenge of the sith :DDeath is a natural part of life.
Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.
Mourn them, do not.
Miss them, do not.
Attachment leads to jealousy.
The shadow of greed that is.Goodness knows I saw it comming. 10:48 PM
George Washington cut down Adam's apple tree, and was deported into space by Jefferson Starship who brought him to meet his mad son who is in love with Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Monroe has a pet iguana named Quincy who likes Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson got killed in a burning van, and when Harrison Ford tried to save him, they abducted him and tied him up, poked him with a polka stick and tied him up again (just to be safe). He was forced to watch films about Pierce Brosnan and a bunch a nuns with Abraham Lincoln. He was only allowed to bathe with Johnsons shampoo, dreaming of Hugh Grant lying in a stack of hay and watching Garfield together; dreaming of becoming brave like King Arthur, running away to Cleveland to meet Harrison Ford. Where they will eat kinky McDonald's with happy meal teddy bears out on a tuft of grass with Dr Wilson (from House), who is turning hard from being in the cooling refrigerator after vacuuming his floor with his teddy bears. An ice shower may be better, give him his Johnsons shampoo mixed with Ford cars; let him sing like Aaron Carter, all decked up like the queen and regal, take him to the burning bush where he will have an affair with Monica Lewinsky which will spread like wildfire across the burning bush.Cos I'm on fire
I'm on fire when you come
I'm on fire so stub me outGoodness knows I saw it comming. 9:24 PM
I made the mistake of visiting S's blog, all sparkles and sunshine and new beginnings in a new place far away from here. yeah, so I pretend I'm fine for awhile and I put on a smile and fake up a pretty face but
shazzam! she's a wreck again
Maybe you can tell me what it's like to be here, what it's like to read these words i don't pay attention to that i slam out on the keyboard; tell me, tell me what its like to enter my head and then hit the ground running.
O so full of scorpions is my mind! But false face must hide what the false heart doth know, and I am so filled with envy- I wish i could just run away forever in the sunset and never look back, and I'd rather turn into a pillar of salt than to see that sadness in your face again.
Tell me what is real, tell me why i'm still here, tell me what it's for and who you are and why are you here. Everything happens for a reason but why- Give me a cause for celebrations let me drown in the foreverness of your scent, let me sleep 6 feet under and never ever wake up until, until
i can stop envying the brightest blue sky above thee,
whose quiet stars may see thee and be gladThere was no thief
cos it was me that lost youGoodness knows I saw it comming. 11:07 PM
People, please please help me spend $268 in prepaid credit by 21sept please! Otherwise all the monies will go to wasteeeeee. Today was super fun smsing Suzy nonstop 24/7 until we met for inpromptu ICC at 7plus after 12plus hours of nonstop studying :D And then we sat by the Siglap park connector talking until my parents came aha.
More studying tomorrow, sigh. I think I will go for night study tomorrow, see my mood after lessons end at 5pm with lousy chinese ugh.
I think that maybe baby, we've been too caught up in our lives to bother, too caught up to care and still waiting for a miracle so why don't we just stop now; and listen to your tears- they're all you've got. I think i should use the $268credit to catch up with friends i haven't spoken to for ages.
But i can't quite catch the things I have seem to lost forever.You're like the Bloc Party lyrics i kept chanting to Hazel today in class- in this unattainable British accent groove and immense restraint and fears tears something sorta
violent passion.Turning away from the light
Becoming adult
Turning into my soulGoodness knows I saw it comming. 10:39 PM
HI FRIENDS
I have a new line that's going to be active till 21Sept, it's going to be used concurrent with my original 91169 line; so if i text you back in a different number you can just reply to either one. But if you're calling in, call to the old number cos the new one is a prepaid (I'm just using it to finish all the local credit) and doesn't have free incomings. :)
Bah, my muscle memory is getting all muddled up cos I'm using 2 phones from different brands now :/ Still, it's nice having two lines, with one being exclusive to just friends and the people I love, and a heckload more talktime.
I spent my vivitar UW&S money on the new A&F bag, damnnn.he moves through moonbeams slowly
he knows just how to hold me
And when his edges soften
His body is my coffin
I know he drains me slowly
he wears me down to bones in bedGoodness knows I saw it comming. 1:19 PM
I've decided I wanna get the MSI Wind, super pretty, very mobile. So more promos mugging here i come because I'll prolly have to do as well, if not even better than my MYEs. And I did pretty decent for MYEs y'know, damn. And then get a December job to fund the Wind and SNOW PATROL JULY 09 because according to Nat Tan, GARY LIGHTBODY IS COMING.
hellooo pretties
Macwhoring today on Sam's mac actually made me decide not to get one, its still quite bulky and its annoying to have to learn all the functions again. Sammy, upload macwhore pictures!
Nationalism lecture by Prof Yong bright and early tomorrow morning at DHS :( That means I have to revise nationalism/JO/decol by today. Still, I went down to Taka Kino today to buy new pretty pens, so more incentive to mug, heh. Okay okay weekend homework check:
GP Essay
Econs Mkt failure essay Q1&2
Econs proj - positive ext
Lit P1 Unseen poetry comparisons CA
History Arab-Isreali conflict class debate prep
Hah, this is the point where I'm thankful for ACs actually happening cos for the tutorial debate thing I can just lift from my debate notes :D
Revision:
History: Nationalism->decol
Econs: Scarcity/Opp cost
Yeahyeah, like I'll actually meet these goals, pah. I need Island Creamery so badly omg I haven't been there for 2months!and show you
life after loveGoodness knows I saw it comming. 6:01 PM
I'm obsessively looking at my prom pictures now, comparing the Browhaus done brows then to the Rupinis' ones now and for 1/3 of the price Sam and I got such a fab job done omg;
GP EssayLit online quiz
Lit P1 CA
Econs project
Econs oglio case study
Physical bonding games tomorrow for debates, then Chinese CA on Friday and another homework filled weekend with no time to study for promos :( My A&F bag i'm paying for on Friday isn't gonna get shipped over here till next month :(
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I like the way your sparkling earring lay against your skin so brown, and I want to sleep with you in the desert tonight with a billion stars all around- you're like an Eagles' song, this funny peaceful easy feeling.A candy-colored clown they call the sandman tiptoes to my room every night
Goodness knows I saw it comming. 11:01 PM
I tried to imagine what it would be like if it too were my last day in this sodding country for two whole years. And so it is, S leaves for UWC RCN and the Reach Cambridge people come home. Sure, Sherrie's green Cambridge hoodie is so very prettaye, but as the term draws to a close and promos start to become more real (we got out timetables today), it's hard to see the vivid colours that brighten up my day.
I know (but you don't); and i have been saving smiles for you.
Sam and I are going to get our brows finally done tomorrow! I like the sound of the thread on my forehead, the rrahhz, rrahhz, shaving off layers of hair that though so little changes everything so much the moment they're gone.
I mentioned rather explictly to my mom the other day about getting a replacement laptop for my workable but annoyingly hangy at times one, and there was no objections, which actually makes things worse, cos now i can't decide between the MSI Wind ($859, super cheap, super mobile, looks like a macbook and comes in pink!), or the Macbook ($1.4k, need to relearn how to properly use it, loss of productivity time and some mac limitations - but still, a mac!).
eyebrows! eyebrows!And baby I will understand if sometimes
You just want to spread your wings and fly
And let your colours shineGoodness knows I saw it comming. 12:06 AM
I haven't started on any homework, it's 2:30pm on a Sunday and I don't think i will ever get it done. I wish everything would just die, fade into the monolithic blur that clouds my vision of psychedelia and love and colourful hippie bracelets and round john lennon glasses.
I wish i could snap out of this cryptic nonsense, but by not making any sense to myself i fall futher into the so called world of the bigger unknown.
it's nice to feel small and insignificant.
S is flying off to UWC RCN in 2 days, and i'm still bitter with myself for not getting that damn scholarship. I remember orientation in CJ and the senior class someone was saying how at J2 your class might be incomplete cos last year they had someone who was awarded a scholarship to study in the US and deep deep down inside i was quiet because my gut knew that it was probably the UWC AH USA that that kid got into.
They say that everything happens for a reason, and that maybe baby, God has a greater vision out there for someone, everyone- and everyone else is so happy now, becaue half of the 16 semi-final applicants are in RJ, and M even quit RJ to go to poly and she feels its the best decision she has made in her life, and i should be too, because i love CJ and all, but still,
still,
i wish i could just leave and come back only when no one remembers me. So i can throw away my past and leave me out with the waste; It's a wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.
Speaking of UWC, i'm supposed to be meeting my UWC SEA buddy later to THREAD MY BROWS, but Maria's mummy might not be able to bring her :(
I wish i've done more in my life. But now I just wish i could climb in the back with my head in the clouds,
and i'm gone.Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.Goodness knows I saw it comming. 2:30 PM
La vita e bella, she says, looking at me through rose tinted glasses. We are facing the harsh concrete of another gray sky morning and we are wearing our hearts on our sleeves, and yes we are wearing it blue. We sip caffine and soma that hits us in the epicenter of our cold, jaded hearts- but at least, at least the summer is ending soon and we no longer need to pretend to be in full bloom.
Still, there are attempts to connect within the air of verb talk and algebra (and for the occassion, Michael Phelps), and there are the simplest of things that we secretly hope for, deep down in the sparkle in your eyes that you refuse to show me. It's the gossip of cute SA boys on the morning bus and the hair talk in front of the mirror and me wishing that maybe, baby, one day my bangs will grow out long enough to side sweep them like the boy with great hair in the class on the 4th floor.
Because you've stopped for a long time now baby, but how hard is it to get a smile out of that pretty face?
I wish I knew how it feels to be warm and fuzzy inside in silent admiration, or the tingles on my skin with magic- your magic and oh how i wish this was just about a boy because then it would make things much less complicated.
I won't be 16 forever, and ah, for what it's worth-
la vita e bella.alis volat propriis
Goodness knows I saw it comming. 7:42 PM
hello, lonely.
I have a bunch of pictures from Yoke's birthday thing today to upload but somehow there is sadness in the air that leaves happiness out in the rain at my doorstep. I sometimes wonder if this is some form of manifesto of angst and desire and despair all rolled into one fat overlapping melody.
Why do we do the things we do? Do we seek thrills in putting on a new face each day as we walk through that portal called Day whereby we are the maestros in our own scripts and we watch the little game that has been orchestrated up on this stage - life is a stage, but the actors really suck.
And so we take what is given and this is the place called Day and we try our bestest not to trip up or get caught too often. Time and space is a relative nonsense and when night comes we will dissolve into just shadows crawling through this micro alley.
For i'll show you mine if you show me yours and we all listen to my sequined iPod and fade into an oblivion home, home, home.
(where the sun is made of rainbows.)well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do youGoodness knows I saw it comming. 10:06 PM
1. Lit P1 Othello essay
2. Lit P4 Unseen essay
3. Hist interstate essay
4. Hist wk8 tut1 SBQ
5. Hist wk8 tut2 SBQ6. GP poverty essay7. Econs MC tut essay Q1&2
Sigh.
I reallyreally need some helluva motivation to drag myself through the SBQs. I need a faceful of smiles. And an unquantitative amount of whatever you can give me, and i will take it and shoot for the stars because anything you give me can make me high.
I'm so tired, honey.
I need to get the hell out of this place, out of my head. I need to feel the warm breeze of whatever summer sun is dying out there. But oh bashizzles I have so, so much work to do why don't you just leave me out with the waste and blow out the stars one by one, these are the ashes of dreams I've let die and it's really cold inside.Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yetGoodness knows I saw it comming. 11:32 PM
heidi
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